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nicole"navarro.just-2wenty-one.o4th april.aries.half-malaysian-chinese-half-filipino.turtles, rainbows, motorbikes, vanilla.14 piercings.inked.officially licensed to ride.my mood: 
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Sunday, January 18, 2009, 12:42 AM
i'm feeling one of my all time lows today.we had a fight today and things got pretty bad
and now i'm left to mourn over a weekend that never happened.
i just don't know what i did to deserve the treatment i got today.
i was on my best behaviour and made sure i was good.
i woke up early to help him pay his road tax
i was okay with it that he had to meet his friend today (because he only remembered today that he promised his friend to accompany him for something) although we'd already made plans
i didn't complain or get angry that the time we had left for ourselves was ticking away as we accompanied his friend.
finally we had alone time and he just had to spoil things.
for those of you who know me really well - i can name melvina, sera, chris
you'd know that sometimes i go into my stoning moods when i'm bored or i have nothing to do.
and when i stone i really stone and it takes awhile for me to get out of these stoning moods.
i can't explain why i do that, i just do.
as long as i am not being rude, sarcastic, difficult or offending anyone, i do not feel that there is anything wrong with my stoning moods.
plus we were in the shoe section of the men's department of a department store for a long time and i was very very hungry.
i did talk to them, answered when questions were asked, made jokes or remarks here and there.
time and again he asked me why i looked so sian, i replied him exactly the truth, "i'm stoning already"
everything seemed fine after that.
friend bought something, we went for dinner.
then after dinner when we were finally alone,
he decides that he is irritated by my stoning and straightaway asks me why i was showing an attitude.
so fucking upset.
today was perfectly fine, i put on my best behavior, there were things i could have been unhappy with today but i didn't, yet he accuses me of showing an attitude.
and thus spoiling the little bit of time we had left.
we had our fri and sat all planned out together. (i only saw him these 2 days this week)
and we could only meet at 6ish cos he was working til 6pm both days/
fri was to go to his place and watch movies we were supposed to watch long ago
and sat was to go over to mine and cook pancakes together.
but you know what?
none of that happened at all.
on fri he wanted to do something else so i didn't say anything and just let him be happy.
so i was really hoping for sat to work out.
but he just had to pick a fight at 9pm when we were finally alone and we had only an hour or so left togeher.
so we argued and argued til he finally apologized.
we were at the carpark below his block
i said i needed some time to calm down before i went back cos i didn;t want to cry on the way home on the bus/taxi/at home.
so i asked him to go up and sleep first if he was tired cos the fact was he was tired which brought on his temper which started the fight and i didn't know what time i would be okay.
and you know what, he fucking gets angry at me for saying that.
he said i was making things difficult for him and why would i say something so absurd as that since i should know he won't leave me alone.
it really fucking sucks when you have good intentions
and yet the other person gets angry with your for that.
i mean you rather i say i want you to stay here with me til the wee hours of the night, don;t care how tired you are you must stay?
and you made it very clear you were tired and wanted to sleep?
was i wrong to think about you?
i told him my reasons for saying it and he seems to accept it.
yet minutes later he suddenly gets angry again for no fucking reason and throws his temper and refuses to talk.
tell me,
how is a girl who did so much for you today take that crap?
i was already so upset and yet you had to make things worse and make me angry as well.
so much that i said something that hurt.
i said that he was being no different than yc.
yes, i admit that was harsh and i said it in a fit of anger.
but you really were becoming like him.
shouting at me even when there were people around, getting angry for no apparent reason, giving me the cold treatment after getting angry.
you said you would never be like him.
so can you blame me for feeling hurt that you were starting to do the same things as he did?
i don;t know what is this world becoming to
such a fight can sprawl out over me stoning.
what is fucking wrong with stoning?
i had no evil intentions at all. i just stoned.
and things could have just been avoided.
since it was already nearing the end of the day and he knows about my stoning. i have explained it many many many times and i believe any tom dick or harry can see that i was purely stoning no attitude no anger no rudeness.
i really wonder why he couldn't just have let it go.
why must he get irritated and pick a fight with me?
why couldn't we just enjoy the last of our weekend.
why didn't he just let me be happy since whatever we planned together he never followed through.
why must you hurt me and in turn make me hurt you?
so fucking pissed and upset right now.
nicole<3
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