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nicole"navarro.just-2wenty-one.o4th april.aries.half-malaysian-chinese-half-filipino.turtles, rainbows, motorbikes, vanilla.14 piercings.inked.officially licensed to ride.my mood: 
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Monday, December 22, 2008, 2:41 AM
sigh.who's gonna be there for me?
who will make me happy?
why aren't you here for me and making me happy?
i think i am fated to
be hurt
be wronged
be left alone
all my life.
maybe that's just the way it is.
i just don't understand
i want to be nice to everyone.
seriously.
even after things were over
i have always treated you as a friend
even though you let your temper treat me like a fucking dummy before.
when you needed advice or someone to talk to regarding anything,
be it army, love or just anything in general, even lame jokes
i was there as a friend.
but i don't know what happened after that.
suddenly we become like strangers
but i still regard you and her as friends
even though i hardly ever talk to you guys
because either i feel awkward, i don't know her well enough so i don't know what to say, i don't know if either of you guys mind me talking to the other one.
and there were times i attempted to talk to her but i don't know if she didn't hear or maybe didn't know what to answer so just ignored me.
i'm guessing it's the former cos there is no reason for the latter.
i really do want peace between everyone and to be friends.
so maybe i tried to act blur one time.
at the petrol station
i did see the both of you but i didn't come out and say hi
because i felt really weird and akward
cos i don't really talk to the both of you and then i wouldn't have anything more to say after "hi"
and also i don't know if she'd be unhappy and i don't want to make things weird for everyone
simple as that.
but then now you treat me like an enemy.
i really don't know what i have done to deserve it.
if you thought i meant anything negative to either of you,
i have not and i will not.
to me as long as everyone is happy and nobody is doing anything to anybody,
then everything is fine and dandy.
i really don't understand what is up with this whole book thing.
i was never in a hurry for the books and i never ever expressed that i did.
i am happy enough to just get them whenever it's convenient for eileen to pass them to me.
i don't know howcome without discussing it with me, you told her you'd pass me the books directly
when you didn't even confirm with me if i was free and what time i were free.
you made the whole decision on your own.
i was taken aback but i guessed you really must have wanted the books urgently for her since you wanted it the next day.
i really didn't see your sms til 2+am when i got home
cos i was in jb and my phone line has no auto roam therefore rendering my hp useless.
i did not purposely wait til the last minute to reply if that's what you were thinking.
you wanted to meet 1.15 at ps.
but why ps and why 1.15pm?
i don't see how when you want to get the books from me
i have to specially go down to somewhere convenient for you
unless of course i was the one who demanded for the book son sunday, then it would have been right to do it somewhere convineint for you.
and ps isn't exactly a few bus stops away for me.
town will be so packed what with it being the last weekend before christmas.
and i train down all the way just to pass you the books and train back?
it's abit weird right?
and 1.15pm would definately leave me without enough sleep because by the time i got to sleep the earliest would be 3-4am since i got home at 2+am?
but i thought "alright, i'll just show you face. you must really want to get the books for her. so make it at 2pm so that at least i can go over abit later."
yet you gave me an attitude reply.
"think can LA. talk tmr LA. i TIRED wanna SLEEP."
i'm sorry but you want me to come down and meet YOU yet YOU sound so insincere towards me?
of course i feel pissed.
by right you should have been asking when is convinient for me and what time and try to work around that.
i try to give face and you show attitude.
why should i even bother to give you face after all that right?
so the next day (today),
you say you can't meet late cos you're meeting your gf
actually if i can't make it early i can just meet up with both of you later on when i am able to at wherever you guys are.
unless you don't want her to know you got the books from me?
if not i don't see why i can meet both of you later.
i tell you that i don't see why i should go all the way to town
and ask for somewhere more convinient for me.
i tell you amk since i have to be there later.
the time was 1.15pm
and then you ask me to meet you at amk at 2pm?
i just woke up, i need to brush my teeth, bathe, get clothed, warm up my bike, ride over.
i definately cannot make it by 2pm
you know me long enough to know that without me even telling you.
so i ask where are you meeting her
you tell me you're meeting her at her house.
she stays at lorong ah soo
i stay at hougang
we are not that far apart.
in fact by bike the longest i'd give is 15minutes.
maybe 20 if the traffic lights really hate you.
but nevertheless, it is near and i dunno why you wanted to meet at ps.
then i thought maybe initially you were meeting her early
but still,
if you were picking her up at her house
you could have just dropped by here to get the books then go pick her up
even if i were still sleeping just call me and i'll bring down the books.
i mean i just have to go downstairs, what time you want i'm fine.
so you might have had to leave the house 20minutes earlier,
but still less troublesome and faster for you than to wait for me to haul my ass over.
so i said might as well you come over to hougang.
i mean what i said was true right?
rather than you wait an hour or more for me to get ready and reach a designated place
why not you come down so you get your books on time plus it is convinient for you to go to her place after that?
i'm was sure you were gentlemen enough to do that.
alas you proved me wrong.
your reply was "wa. okok"
hello, i'm asking you to come down to hougang before lorong ah soo
not from jurong then go pasir ris.
then when you reached you were all black face
no hi, no smile, no thank you
it was like as if it were a torture to even look at me.
i'm sorry that it really so nice started to drizzle when you reached hougang
i seriously didn't know it was even gonna rain til i stepped out and passed you the books and felt the raindrops.
if you think i did that on purpose, made you come down to get caught in the rain,
DON'T BE SO FUCKING STUPID.
i even said "thank you" to you
which i totally regret saying
because you fucking don't deserve it at all.
what the hell is up with the whole attitude?
a NORMAL person would have said hi or at least smile when they see a friend
and even if they were in a hurry they'd say thanks and sorry ar, gotta rush cos dun wanna get caught in the rain.
not like you, fucking black face with all that attitude and never said a word
so i don't get what's with you and your fucking attitude.
you die die wanted to get the books early today.
don't try to say that i die die wanted the books too
cos i never said i did and i really was in no hurry to
eileen could have passed me the books weeks later i'd also be happy
you were getting a favour from me okay?
and yet you only think about yourself where and what time is convinient
i stay somewhere so near to your gf, so why the temper?
i didn't make you go somewhere at some other end of singapore did i?
unless you were picking her up at some other house that i do not know of then that's your fault for not correcting me.
aren't we friends?
why make things so ugly and complicated?
you have some fucking grudge against me?
i don't see how treating me like a normal person is so difficult.
even when you buy things from people and have to collect from them you'd be nice to them right?
we've known each other for 4 god damn years.
i believe i deserve that much of respect that even if you don't want to treat me as a friend you should at least treat me as a person
i seriously don't know what happened in that thick skull of yours
why did you become such an asshole?
i treat you as a friend, you treat me like dirt.
i really thought better of you,
the friend i used to know never did anything like that
but i guess you've changed,
changed to the ugly person you are now
and for all that.
FUCK YOU!!
nicole<3
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