nicole"navarro.just-2wenty-one.o4th april.aries.half-malaysian-chinese-half-filipino.turtles, rainbows, motorbikes, vanilla.14 piercings.inked.officially licensed to ride.my mood: 
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which isn't very wedding-y at all.
khad had that very unsure look on her face
as i was admiring myself in the mirror,
and asking her if it was the one.
we'd been dress shopping for half a day
looking through rack after rack
combing far east, wisma, taka and heeren.
trying on dress after dress only to be dismayed.
but when i saw that particular dress on the manequin,
the bright colours and pretty layers
i knew it had to be the one.
not the average glamourous, shiny, feminine dress,
but a more playful girlish one.
khad claimed it made me look like a barbie
but that dress just felt like the right one.
so now stashed away in a pretty paperbag on my bedroom floor it lies.
i have such a happy dress.
but i don't feel happy right now.
i wonder,
do i really ask for too much?
are my expectations really so high?
deep down i know i'm not
i judge myself as objectively as i can
and still i feel that i don't.
however,
what appears before me says otherwise.
are my wants, needs, requests always so tough?
when i keep giving, nothing is said
but once i start to take
that's when i am judged.
it's always "why must i be like that."
i hate being labelled "like that".
after giving and giving,
sometimes i'd like to be on the receiving end instead
i'd like to be given in to like how i've being giving in to.
everyone has their selfish sides no?
i'm turning off the tv next time
and making sure you have no choice but to give me 100% attention
whether you like it or not.
i want to go on a ride alone.
nicole<3
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