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nicole"navarro.just-2wenty-one.o4th april.aries.half-malaysian-chinese-half-filipino.turtles, rainbows, motorbikes, vanilla.14 piercings.inked.officially licensed to ride.my mood: 
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Saturday, August 02, 2008, 12:08 AM
i need a hug..
"don't you just love weekends (: "that was my personal message on msn earlier after i got home from school..
until now, that is..
i was so happy after school, couldn't wait for evening to come..
i had lunch, psp-ed for awhile and napped cos i had less than 3 hours sleep the night before..
got up at 6pm to bathe and get ready..
wore a dress for change, something i knew i looked nice in,
spent more effort on my make-up,
and even more on tying up my hair and making it look right cos i knew that was how he preferred it.
made sure i was at my prettiest.. (or at least the most i could do with how i look)
my camera ready in my handbag,
ready to shoot happy moments together..
when i went downstairs my dad asked why was i dressed up so nicely tonight..
i smiled to myself and thought,
"it's not everyday i get to spend a weekend night with my boyfriend and have him all to myself without him having to leave early and rush for work"
the thought made me so so happy,
something i've been waiting for for months..
on the way to town i walked with an extra "ommph" in my step..
i walked faster and took bigger steps cause i knew i was late,
even though my toes hurt abit from my shoes..
i was counting down the stops to dhoby ghaut and then to somerset..
excitement was wad i felt,
i couldn't wait to see him..
but barely 5 minutes after i met him,
i got smacked with a big pang of disappointment..
he was on the phone and he WAS agreeing to go to work at 12am after our show..
i didn't know what to say..
he didn't even discuss it with me nor let me know about it and he agreed just like that..
how was i to feel..
he told me that was the 4th time they were calling him..
when i asked him why he didn't tell me about it first since he obviously knew about it earlier,
he said he was busy talking to his friend whom he ran into..
is a message or a short phonecall to tell me really so hard..?
is your friend more important?
i believe he would have been nice enough to let you contact me for abit no?
and did you consider my feelings..?
you said that you were doing a favour,
you asked me whether i considered how you felt..
how was i to when you rather let me down than let your colleagues down..
i was looking forward to it all week..
cos he told me he was starting school on saturday morning and wanted to be home early to sleep,
and at the same time since he could, spend a weekend with me..
therefore he told them last week that he would be taking friday off..
he also didn't want to go home too late after our date for the same reasons,
yet there he was agreeing to work til 4am when he has lessons at 8.30am..
where does that place me..?
for once i really wished he would have choosen me over work, just once..
is it really so hard to say "no"..?
maybe i'm selfish for wanting that since they were short of staff,
but what about myself?
it really sucks to get your hopes up and then indulging even further by letting yourself get happy then have last minute things come up or getting promised things only to get disappointed in the end again and again..
to make things worse i always never get "sayang-ed" after such things happen and am expected to take it like a man.. (no pun intended)
so a summary of what happened?
me being disappointed/sad/unhappy..
money no enough 2..
then him sending me to dhoby ghaut mrt cos he needed to rush down to his workplace..
i felt so lousy on the way home..
very sad and very very alone..
my long awaited friday night, nothing but just dreams..
so much effort, but for what..?
it was basically just meeting, seeing a movie together then having to rush off..
didn't really get to talk to each other or simply just enjoy each other's company..
to other people they might think, "so what, cannot spend one friday night together doesn't mean the end of the world, there are 7 days in a week"
but i guess only i know how much this one friday means to me..
i still feel like shit now,
and i guess i will continue to til i eventually fall asleep..
this sucks so much,
emo and alone on a friday night.. (this triggers the thought of what cartman would say, "this sucks ass, i'm going home")
so for now, my personal message states:
"weekends suck ): "
nicole<3
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