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nicole"navarro.just-2wenty-one.o4th april.aries.half-malaysian-chinese-half-filipino.turtles, rainbows, motorbikes, vanilla.14 piercings.inked.officially licensed to ride.my mood: 
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007, 12:17 AM
i need a friend..
i've spent the whole day bumming at home..only going out to transfer money for online shopping.. =X heh
i updated my 2oo8 organizer with the birthdays of friends and family and important dates..
uploaded yesterday's photos on facebook..
was so bored i took a 2 hour nap..
basically just stuck in front of my lappy msn-ing and facebooking..
all this free time and yet i couldn't bring myself to read my case studies..
i have so lost my studying mojo.. -____________-"
i think i am so screwed this semester..
why, oh why, did i get nathan as my tutor..??
earlier that malay friend of mine from ssdc was telling me that he wanted to change the life that he's living now..
you see, after getting cheated on by his ex-gf and best friend, he went on a rampage to party like mad and flirt around like there's no tomorrow..
he goes clubbing almost every week and his friendster/facebook contacts are like 99.92632476347323362% female..
but now he wants to put a stop to this meaningless life and start afresh with a proper relationship..
now, i know i'm in no place to judge since i've never been through what he has..
but how do you let yourself get that way..?
let the hurt turn you into somebody you're not..
turn yourself so cold that you can play with the feelings of other people..
just so that you can seek revenge for the pain you've been through..
how do you live with yourself knowing that you are able to do that without feeling a stab of guilt..?
in the end all you do is hurt yourself even more knowing that you're living such an empty life..
yes, it could be fun in the beginning..
fooling around, having relationships with people without any strings attached..
but what happens when that other person treats it more than just flirting..?
what if the person you've been toying with all this time actually has real feelings for you..?
you break that person's heart, and you break your own knowing that you hurt that person..
some even go to the extent of satisfying they're physical needs along the way..
like why not since you're already making use of the person right..?
but hell, what gives you the right to treat another human being like that..?
another person who has feelings just like you..
how would you feel if you were in their shoes..?
always in the company of different people, always socializing on the surface..
but deep down, emotionally, you're all alone.. just empty..
i hate to think that i was a victim of such people before..
but let's face it..
as much as i try to deny it, try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't mean to..
i was still stupid enough to get played..
damn those assholes..!!
well, i hope he gets that fresh start..
and finds that happiness that he's looking for..
everybody deserves a second chance.. =)
my dad's ROM with his gf is coming up next friday..
i've never really thought about it, even til now..
i'm not exactly receptive to the idea of having new people to the family..
a stepmom, step-sister, step-grandma (is that what it's called?)..
sharing my father with other people..
nobody can ever replace my mum and i will never ever call another woman "mom"..
but as long as my dad is happy, i give him my blessings..
i guess my dad's pretty lucky in the sense that i didn't put up the slightest hint of resistance to the idea of him remarrying..
hey, as long as my freedom is maintained, i'm not forced to live with them nor do they intrude in my life in anyway then i'm fine with it..
but i hope after the marriage goes through my dad's feelings towards me remains the same..
i know my mum has her qualms towards "the other woman"..
she questions her motives.. and lets be frank, we all know "money" is a sensitive issue..
i don't blame my mum for being sceptical though, she has my interests at heart..
i just hope that it's really because of true love and not because of some "motive"..
as the day gets nearer, i wonder how i'll react on the actual day..
what will be going through my mind, how will i feel..
if you ask me i rather life stay the way it is now..
but i don't want my dad to be alone either..
i admit i've not been a good daughter and staying at home to spend quality time with my dad..
i wish we were close..
and knowing that we'll have to sell this house and rent somewhere else..
i don't want to move away from here, i love where i am now..
my comfort zones are being threathened now..
at times like these i really wish there was someone to seek comfort in..
someone to just lend me their shoulder..
to tell me things will be alright..
just someone to be there..
a pillar of support..
as much as i appear alright and happy on the surface..
deep down there are feelings which i'm holding back, refusing to confront..
but what can i do rite..?
all i can is to be strong..
strong for me and strong for dad..
dude, where's my riding license..?? it's almost been 2 weeks..!! !@#$%*()_+
nicole<3
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